Order of the Bed Joining Form

Department of Staying-in-Bed

Please answer all questions to the best of your ability. Completed forms should be sent with cheques as noted below to the normal email address.

Part 1 - Basic information

1.1)  Name:
1.2)   Date of Birth [DD/MM/YYYY]:
1.3)   Address:
1.4)  Email Address:

Part 2 - Personal information

Sex: Yes please  No thanks  None
Ethnicity:   is important  is irrelevant  is witheld   Don't know 
  The Order of the Bed is an equal opportunities group and shows an equal lack of respect for everyone. Providing us with this information will inhibit our ability to discriminate against you equally. 
2.3) Uses for a bed: [Tick all that apply]
Sleep  Reading  Lazing  Travelling  Watching TV 
 Listening to radio Swinging in trees Playing games Other [please don't specify]
2.4) Interests:
Some Lots None 2% APR
2.5) Employment:
Exciting Sleep inducing Unemployed Public sector
2.6) Time spent in bed per annum (in seconds):

Part 3 - Your expectations of the Order


Anticipated joining fee [in £/s/d]:

[Please include a cheque for double this sum in your application. Use post-1971 decimal coinage.] 

3.2) What do you think the OB should be involved in? [Tick all that apply]
Politics Economic theory Law reform  Developing Africa Exercise support 
Surgery Nuclear energy Film-making  Air traffic control Theatre
Education Publishing Space exploration Cuisine Hotels
3.3) What do you think the OB should not be involved in? [Tick all that apply]
Railways Social comment The Internet Planning Writing
Photography Humour Wildlife protection  Beds Life

In accordance with EU directives on an unrelated topic, in line with normal UK interpretation procedures, the Order is considering developing its own early-warning nuclear missile defence system. Do you consider that this would be beneficial to world peace?

Yes No Not in the slightest Who's the monkey who writes all this guff?


Do you expect that being a member of the Order will allow you access to higher ranks of UK society, improve your job prospects and entitle you to prefix your name with "Sir" or "Lady"?

Yes, I have got the wrong end of the stick about the Order. No.

Part 4 - Personal

Would you be willing to donate all your worldly goods to the Order?  No 
4.2) If you tell us your innermost secrets we may be able to offer unqualified advice on how to resolve your inner demons. We may also be able to sell your story to the cheap gossip press at a substantial profit to ourselves. Would you be willing to partake in this scheme?
Yes No Pardon?

Would you consider joining an organisation which expects you to maintain its basic principals of a laid back attitude to life in accordance with high expectations of monogamy, ferroequinology and oppression of those guilty of politics?

Yes I hearby withdraw my application.

Part 5 - Legal

I hearby consent to the Order not bothering to obey the Data Protection Act when handling my data Yes 
I have read the page on copyright 
Yes No
I am a successful and hard-working lawyer
Yes No

Are you signing up to the Order in good faith and without intention to use it as a front for nefarious dealings or other such doubtful activities with which we do not wish to be associated?

I am entirely above board in all regards. You shouldn't touch me with a bargepole.

Please note that failure to answer questions correctly or to attach your cheque to the correct corner of your email may result in your application being denied.