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|
| Name |
Deodatus,
abbot of Lagny (France) |
 |
| Occupation |
Inquisitor |
| Last
known address |
Lagny
Abbey |
| He
says |
The lord pope sent us to Scandinavia
and the British Isles to investigate these charges of heretical
depravity that have been brought against the Templars. But we
discovered that there are no Templars in Scandinavia, so we’re
concentrating on the British Isles.
We’ve had a lot of trouble with the lord king being totally
uncooperative and the Templars simply failing to admit that they’re
guilty. But I’ll get the truth out of Brother Thomas Totty
if it kills me -- or him! |
| We
say |
Keep on taking the tranquilisers. |
|
| Name |
Brother
Thomas Totty of Thoroldby |
 |
| Occupation |
Templar
undercover agent; breaking out of Lincoln jail; walking on water
(that’s his story, anyway) |
| Last
known address |
Diocese
of Winchester |
| He
says |
I’m
a very scared man. That abbot really scared me, you know? So
I broke jail: slipped a bribe to the sheriff and legged it. I’ve
been in the order of the Temple 28 years; no, 16 years. I was
received at a place in Chester diocese -- no, Lichfield diocese
-- I’m not a renegade, I’m wearing my Templar clothes
under these everyday clothes. I’m a secret agent for the
Templars. Honest I am! I’m telling you the truth! |
| We
say |
Abbot
Deodatus has a point. |
|
| Name |
Brother
Ralph of Ruston |
 |
| Occupation |
Templar
priest |
| Last
known address |
Yorkshire |
| He
says |
Now,
you’ve heard a lot of rubbish about the absolution of sins
in Templar chapter meetings, but I can set you right. It’s
like this: the grand commander and the visitor absolve brothers
from any general sins acknowledged in Chapter and for other sins
they send them to the brother-priest. I don’t know what
the difference is between the general sins and the others, but
that’s not my concern. Some brothers who have been absolved
by the master later confess to a brother-priest and some don’t.
It’s just like an abbot in a monastery can absolve the people
in his monastery; just like that, the master can absolve the
people in his convent. And I think you’ll find all the other
brothers agree with me on this. |
| We
say |
You
don’t know what you’re talking about, mate. |
|
| Name |
Brother
Roger of Dalton |
 |
| Occupation |
Templar
sergeant brother in charge of a grange |
| Last
known address |
A
remote grange somewhere in Cambridgeshire |
| He
says |
To
join the Order and go overseas I paid 60 marks. And what happened?
I get sent to this hole in the back of beyond in the fens, where
I never see a soul. No, I’ve never been to a Chapter meeting.
I don’t see any other Templars. No, I haven’t the faintest
idea what they do! No, I don’t know anything about the Order!
Can I go home now, please? |
| We
say |
Don’t
worry, Roger: the Hospitallers will give you a nice job at Ashley
in the back of beyond somewhere in Cambridgeshire... |
|
| Name |
Brother
Roger of Edelincton |
 |
| Occupation |
Carmelite
friar |
| Last
known address |
House
of the Carmelite Order in Lincoln |
| He
says |
I
met this woman in the Carmelite church in Lincoln, don’t
know her name, and she told me a sick Templar told his servant
not to undress him, but when the Templar died the servant sent
for the Templar’s sister to organise the funeral, and she
undressed the body to wash it and found a cross on his underpants.
And this means the Templars are blasphemers. |
| We
say |
What
was a strange woman doing wandering about the friary church? |
|
| Name |
Agnes
Lovecata |
 |
| Occupation |
Wife
of Robert Lovecata |
| Last
known address |
In
the London suburbs, that nice house by the elms on the street
going towards St Giles on the right hand side. Drop in for a
cuppa any time you’re passing, luv. |
| He
says |
Fourteen
years ago, this lad, Rob, who was servant to the commander of
New Temple, he told my old man that his mate Walter and some
mates of his snuck into a Templar chapter meeting at Dinsley,
and the Templars all went into a secret room where they opened
this secret cupboard in the wall and got out this black idol
with glowing eyes and they all kissed its bum, and one brother
who wouldn’t do it, they opened up this hole in the floor
over this deep pit and threw him in and covered it over, and
then all the Templars, those big muscular men with their strong
masculine bodies seized each other in passionate embrace and
C E N S O R E D |
| We
say |
Read
more of Agnes’s exclusive revelations next week in your
favourite tabloid newspaper. |
|
| Name |
Brother
Nicholas de Chinon |
 |
| Occupation |
Friar
minor |
| Last
known address |
Wandering
about the roads of England |
| He
says |
My
colleague Robert told me he heard from a woman whose name he
didn’t know that some Templar secretly killed his son who
had secretly spied on a secret chapter meeting. |
| We
say |
If
this was all so secret, how did the woman know? |
|
| Name |
Ralph
Baldock |
 |
| Occupation |
Bishop
of London; judge in the trial of the Templars |
| Last
known address |
The
episcopal palace, London |
| He
says |
I
protest! I did not intend to be present at the aforesaid cross-examinations
of the Templars against the master or the order as an interrogator
but only as a witness to ensure that all proper procedures are
being followed. |
| We
say |
Carry
on protesting, your grace. |
|
| Name |
Brother
William de la More |
 |
| Occupation |
Grand
commander of the Order of the Temple in England |
| Last
known address |
New
Temple, just off Fleet Street, London |
| He
says |
I
refuse to repent of sins I never committed! That would be lying
to God, and making a mockery of repentance! |
| We
say |
You’re
too honest for your own good, Brother. |
|
| Name |
John
Langton |
 |
| Occupation |
Bishop
of Chichester; judge in the trial of the Templars |
| Last
known address |
The
episcopal palace, Chichester |
| He
says |
Well,
I’m glad to say that this trial is almost over. We’ve
had a lot of trouble because the Templars simply won’t confess
to anything even though we know they’re guilty because the
Templars who were tortured in France say so. Anyway, I think
we’ve hit upon a good old British compromise. The Templars
will abjure all heresies, without having actually to admit to
any of them, and we can then give them penances as if they were
guilty. |
| We
say |
British compromise? What about the Templars
in Ireland? |
| He
says |
Oh,
I’ve no idea what’s going on in Ireland. |
|
Now turn to page 3 for an interview with the commander
of the Temple in Ireland, Brother Henry Danet, or Tanet, or Hanet,
depending on your handwriting. |