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Comment, Satire and Tripe Department

1) Green Energy - How to not use it 2) Railways - History and Future 3) A Silly Story 4) Cinderella 5) Croess 6) The House 7) How to Control Your Government 8) After Expenses: Is it time to abolish the House of Commons? 9) Say "Yes" to the EU 10) Dihydrogen Monoxide - An Appeal 11) The Train Operator's Guide to Getting Students Drunk in a Brewery 12) The Well Seasonal Area Home Page

All articles in this section are written by an independant columnist called "A. Pratt". The Order of the Bed is under a contractural obligation to publish his ramblings until he gets a better job elsewhere. If you think these articles ruin the tone of the website, please contact the editor of one of The Times, The Daily Telegraph, the Independent or The Guardian and appeal for him to get a regular slot as a columnist, at which point this page will mysteriously cease to be updated except in the most extraordinary circumstances. The Comment, Satire and Tripe Department, apart from releasing irregular articles on the world around us (which will not be too common as they will aim to remain current for several years rather than a couple of days), also carries out Public Relations work for the Order, except when one of the other Departments gets in first. As a Public Relations Department it claims a rather larger budget than other Departments (such as Engineering) and can therefore afford far more consultants, image executive, webpage designers and a much fancier font than other parts of the website. Its Public Relations element means that a number of sections intended purely to work with the public have been moved to be based under its wing. About A. Pratt A. Pratt has been writing articles for us on and off for some time now - he was responsible for the comment sections on the Seasonal Area in 2006 if anyone remembers those. One has been saved for posterity and is now available below as Article 1. His extreme right-wing and authoritarian inclinations are tempered by extreme left-wing and libertarian views, resulting in elements of personal confusion, an inability to make a point and a habit of contradicting himself. Although traditionally a voter for either the Tories or the Whigs, he is currently faced with the prospect of voting Labour due to his policy of not supporting the Government because Governments never do what he wants. This isn't hard, as he doesn't quite know what he wants, and some of his demands would prevent his other demands from being carried out. He declines to prioritise any issues as this would result in undesirable compromise, although he will vote for almost anyone offering to reverse the transport policies of Ernest Marples . He will happily compromise on any issue which he doesn't really care about. A. Pratt was born in Kettering, one of the 70 seats where 1,000 voters have the honour of deciding each general election. Kettering has non-league minor football team. He has a minor interest in football. His religious convictions are those which can be expected of someone who only attended church until he was 4. After moving to Wales he attended one of the local sink schools and lives in an area where the local MP has given up hope and doesn't even turn out for election campaigns. A. Pratt has a low level of belief in science, health experts, celebrity chefs, quacks, lawyers and politicians, except when it suits his personal interests to say otherwise. Most of his arguments could not be backed up by any evidence, although they are not generally of Daily Mail quality. His first name is witheld to prevent privacy intrusions. The Articles 1) Green Energy - How to not use it A. Pratt's oldest available effort can be found on page 13 of this website, discussing uses of green energy and how it should be carried out. This may just count as a valid comment. 2) Railways - History and Future How the railways have been screwed up over the years - and how they could be partially unscrewed. Probably counts as comment. 3) A Silly Story Three Pigs and the Planning Department of the local authority - who will win? This is jolly good fun for most people and satire for those who want satire. 4) Cinderella Satirical stories based on fairy tales are very easy to produce if you get a half-decent angle. So another one has been written and here it is. 5) Croess A vaguely satirical game, composed with the help of A. Pratt. By his own admission it is best described as Tripe. 6) The House Based on a housing estate, this way of looking at the world around us is a satire. 7) How To Control Your Government Although this article is written in the style of the How To... section and carries an appropriate title, this page has been attached to here after being classed as Comment. 8) After Expenses: Is it time to abolish the House of Commons? This article has been classed as Comment, though no-one is quite sure what basis was used for this. 9) Say "Yes" to the EU Some people may prefer to think of it as Comment; others may consider it Tripe. 10) Dihydrogen Monoxide - An Appeal An appeal to rid the world of the terrible substance, di-hydrogen monoxide. Ok, it's Tripe. 11) The Train Operator's Guide to Getting Students Drunk in a Brewery This is probably satire; it should be possible for anyone to enjoy it but railway enthusiasts can have extra fun getting all the historic references. 12) The Well The shortest article in this section, The Well summarises the UK's run through the recent financial crisis in three paragraphs.   Press releases section This section is provided in case the OB needs to make a formal statement of some kind. So far it has never needed to, so no page has been provided and no number has been allocated. Nothing will happen if you click on the title. If enough complaints are received a press release may be made explaining the situation.